Cats are getting ready to rummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmble !!!!!!!!!!

Well the preparations are well underway , the rugs have all been laid out ready for ripping up, curtains drawn waiting for climbing and here I am test tasting my latest trendy creation mouse on a stick with cheese, ginger and an olive .
I hear the cat mint is on the way , wow drugs ............................

This is Bob for Bobs Goodtime Party Ltd

Bob and Lizzys big night out.

Chris and Reena are out for the night so Lizzy and I are considering our options for a big party. We think we will invite a few friends over for drinks out of the fish pond, perhaps some of that stuff from the toilet since nobody will be around to yell at us.
Then to follow a smorgasbord of cat biscuits and mouse on a stick.

We could play a few party games, spin the sparrow, flip the mouse, hide and seek something feathery, who can go through the cat door with the most noise (an essential skill for the 2am entry and exit) and rip the carpet.

I see possibilities......

Bob signing out for Bobs Goodtime Party Organisers Ltd.

The very picture of self control ..... 

Plan B try another set of scales
WHAT 5.4kgs (11.8lb) those first scales must be right .

.....and acceptance , I'm a tank .

Denial ............ 5.1kgs (11.2lb) Oh crap...........................

Lizzy looking at my food bowl , little does she know that Chris and Reena are giving her "diet" food due to her being renamed "the tank" . I'm still on full strength because I have self control !!

Molly caught in the act of bed stealing  

Bob sends Chris across the “ditch”

Hello Bob here reporting on Chris’s recent trip “across the ditch” (for those that don’t know this is the bit of water that separates the mainland of New Zealand from the island of Australia ) . Apparently two cats were found in the cloudy and wet suburb of Manley West namely Molly and Liquorice . Molly likes to sleep on peoples keyboards and leap into newly abandoned beds before anybody can do anything about it , way to go Molly. Liquorice generally likes to cut a low profile but was spotted wrapped around the legs of a heater watching the World Cup football on TV.

Bob for Cat Network News signing out

On the other hand if he had gone accross the Canterbury plains he might have found a bit more me thinks. This is Bob signing out for the Winterless north ! 

Chris is back from the deep south and says this is all the snow he could find . It looks a lot like the inside of the freezer. 

Bob sends Chris south to investigate “snow”

Bob here , I’ve decided with a bit of prompting from Trevor to send Chris south (that would be north if you were north of the equator , but I digress, to investigate “snow” .
We know nothing of “snow” .
Grandma and grandpa live “south" and they have been having the big freeze with another on the way so its goodbye Chris and pack your thermals. We expect a full report .

Bob

Bob considers the merits of winter.

For winter:
Heaters
Electric blankets
Roast dinner leftovers
Gravy (see above)
Humans who use you as a warmer ( but who is warming whom ?)
A reasonable excuse to “own” the best and warmest chair in the lounge.
Autumn leaves
Excuse to pack on a few pounds

Against winter:
Cold
Wet , especially the lawn
Mud
Varmints hiding
Never enough food in my bowl
My drinking water (pond) is very cold

Well our holiday with Mr Push-over comes to an end as Reena is flying in our direction as I speak, eta mid day tomorrow . Dang .
Here Lizzy and I are hard out preparing the house for her arrival, hey we have nailed the door shut and got in extra supplies is there something we forgot ? Maybe Chris will put his foot down and place her in the number four spot ?
 

Look Ok so this isn't quite "Objective H" (below) but you did leave the table and I thought you were finished...honest ! Lamb rack is cat food is it not ? 

Lizzy out and about in the leaves.... 

Heater, I love you ...... 

More of my Weekend by Bob

Rain rain rain rain rain more rain rain rain when will it end , I'm bust'n

by Bob

My Weekend so far…by Bob

Rain rain rain rain rain more rain rain rain , small gap , rain rain rain rain sleep, eat , rain rain rain .sleep, give up on field activities find a heater, a knee, anything .

by Bob

Lizzy considers her "now what?" options.... 

I achieve objective F (because I am the smart one) 

Bob and Lizzys Business Plan

Company objective : A seat at the table and a roast dinner

Strategic Plan

A, Get Reena out of the house by 24 April 2006 (sub plot , phone airline and cancel return tickets , call border patrol and say she is a drug dealer)
B, Let mouse loose in pantry thus suggesting that we are needed to exterminate varmints
C, Act cuddly
D, Practice "poor me" meow while looking pathetic
E, Take over Reena's side of the bed
F, Causally shove our way under the covers (sub plot devise means to turn on electric blanket)
G, Convince Chris that "breakfast in bed" is a valid cat option
H, Order bacon and eggs with cat milk as a side. (note must be runny eggs)
I, Read paper (cartoon section)
J, Snooze
K, repeat C to J

Monthly report to Board :

Progress to date : up to strategic objective E (see photo above)

Bob
Chaircat

My Easter by Bob

Hello , Bob here taking a few days off from being the ace reporter just to put my paws up and have a bit of a relax. Slept on the sheepskins in the Toyota all day as some kind person had left the window down for me. Popped inside for a bit of a trough down and returned for another snooze.
Lizzy continues her “a mouse a day keeps the vet away” routine but needs to scoff them a bit more quickly as Chris is getting pretty fast off the mark with his catch and release policy.
Reena heads off for Mexico, Spain and Turkey next week which means it will be just us and Mr Push-over , bring on the sleeping in the bed , the cat treats and the left over eggs on toast .
Uncle Jim passed through yesterday on his way home to Brisbane, I don’t know what WE are supposed to do with the Baileys Irish Cream ?
Well its back to the Toyota for a bit of a kip.

Bob

Lizzy captured giving those ears a bit of a shake  

Mystery cat identified

The mystery visitor has been identified as the cat from next door ( next door is 500m away) . Apparently an inquisitive cat it has recently been discovered attempting to operate the controls of a hydraulic digger while the owner was having morning tea.

Trying to excavate a rabbit hole maybe !!

I think I can see possibilities here …….

This is Bob signing out for Cat Network News

Stop press ...............

Bob from Cat Network News reporting

Who was that fat black and white cat who came through the cat door last night ?
More on this item once the detective agency is contacted .

Bob signing out.

Bob and Lizzy slug it out for mouse catcher of the year award.

Good evening Bob here from Cat Network News bringing you this exclusive report on the all-in cat fight for the Mouser of the Year Award (Sadly not an event at the Commonwealth Games recently held in Melbourne).

So far this week we have Lizzy with the 1am and 3am (Monday) mouse brought to the bathroom for consumption. My people timed this at 25 seconds for a head first scoff. Then there was the 7pm sneak in and scoff.

For myself I can post one catch and scoff , one “get outside with that thing” and one catch and release out the bathroom window and the words “run for your life little fella” (yeah right , well find you soon enough ….).

Updates as they come to hand .
This is Bob for Cat Network News

Lizzy and I on our way to Stuart at the Dairy Flat Vets for our annual jabs . We still don't know what they are (never felt a thing) but there was that pill and the throat rubbing. We saw a dog, a vacume cleaner and a LOT of cat food and I mean mountains of it ........ 

Here is the full action shot as captured by "my people" something about a 25 second exposure, which sounds more like being out in the sun too long .

Here I am Sunday night back to my old hunter killer games but do you think I can get the red spot, no. I've tried everything but the thing just escapes me and always there is that ....click....before it appears and just as it vanishes . Note the "who me ?" expression . 

Here is Lizzie sneaking up on Chris , note the claws, ready and extended, big question what happened next ?............................. 

But wait there is more .................did i hear the word "food" ? 

Ok so its not exactly in focus but here we are at high speed tearing up the lawn ... 

This is Randell or Dougal (as in the english TV show Father Ted) , Randell came before us but we wanted to post this in his memory . He went to that great cat place in the sky with "mice on a stick" three years ago .  

Bob returns from holiday .................

thank you thank you thank you to the cats of Ashton house for remembering our birthday.This years event (we are two) was a quiet matter with the delivery of two bags of our favorite cat treats . This was blessing as we had finished the Christmas collection although thankfully there has been a plentiful supply fo field nibbles and we still take these inside to eat , that is after we have chased them round the bedrooms a bit . We find the screaming that Reena does very funny, we can see she gets right into it . We have not yet been able to catch the mysterious "red dot", this has been a cause for concern as even when we are right on top of it we just don't seem to be able to catch it . Lizzy gets so into this that she starts wheezing after a while, Chris says she sounds azmatik or some thing. We have yet to find the home of the "red dot" but i have my suspicions and have an orange house with the address "plastik laza levil" or something on the side , I'm still learning to read you know.All i know is that the apperanace of the "red dot" happens about the same time as a faint click, more on this as the story unfolds . I'll get my people to post some new pictures .This is Bob back from holiday going off to have some dinner ....

Cattains log stardate 03082005

Received word from the Androminor galaxy that with the sun in Jupiter and the moon in its waning phase that the sparrows will be rising at precisely 0127hrs .

Formed catmitty with Catmmander Lizzie to discuss plan of attack .
Felt sudden urge to eat so adjourned for a snack.
Reconvened
Catmmander Lizzie (formally of the SAS) recommended optimum entry and exit points for commencement and termination of mission. Code name “catdoor” .
Another snack called for .
Reconvened but felt tired , snooze, snack, reconvened .
Momentarily forgot why we woke up.
Developed cunning route to sparrow repository with teams A and B converging from the north and south.
Snack , drink, poo.
Reconvened.
Forgot why I was here, sleep called for .
More later ……………………..

This is Cattain Bob , out

Ok and me sneaking up on something , could be a mouse ................ 

This is for Mia, a picture of me in a tree. 

Bob discusses the merits of nighttime hunting

Good evening Bob here from Cat Network News reporting from our documentary suite on the relative merits of night time hunting vrs the full frontal approach of the daytime snatch and grab.

Over the last few month Lizzy and I have been experimenting with what we describe as the all-day snooze , the early evening "schmooze" (resulting in food and hugs) , the all night prowl followed lastly by the early morning "shmooze".

Using a double blind , Gantt charted, critical path, cost controlled , standard deviation, marginalised sampling technique we have constructed a polynomial logarithmic equation which computes the body mass index in mice divided by the energy expenditure by cats required for the optimum filling of the inner food gathering and collecting receptacle in feline mammals. This has been further optimised using day lengths, time of year and the little known puke to eating ratio.
Obviously we can't go into full details here as this will be the subject of my Doctorial thesis but suffice to say move over Einstein there are some new formula’s on the block!
For a start and not withstanding the theory of relativity it is possible for cats to be in two places at once , otherwise how on earth could you explain that shredded rug done by “some other cat”?
Sorry I digress, the result of our experimentation which included Lizzy examining the baby fish in the pond at very close range was that on balance, taking all things into account, weighing up the pros and the cons , the fores and the againsts, the advantages and the disadvantages , the views of the “Save the mouse” Society and the need to not have the corner chewed out of every packet of food in the cupboard….. nighttime is the better time .
Or put simply E=MC2 where Evening =Mice X Cats Squared or put another way Evening divided by cats squared =mice , are you still with me ? (Chris says he’s calling the vet …..) and finally cats squared =mice divided by evening.
I rest my case.
I feel sick.

Bob signing out for Cat Network News